I'm back and I think He has let me in on what it is that I need to hear and understand this year. A little something we call grace. Maybe you've heard of it or maybe you've experienced it.
This past weekend I picked up a book I had put down right before the holidays. Its revolutionary, or at least it has been in my heart. It has become a close friend and I realized how much I had missed my friend. When you follow bloggers that touch your heart or rather that God uses to touch your heart and change you, it feels as though they are your friend. And I did get to hear her speak in person, I met her sister and brother in law and I was like 10 feet away from her, so we are totally friends, right? So let's just say that "my friend" and I were having a conversation and it went a little something like this:
Me: Do I reek of self-focus?
Emily: "Drop the hands and let the knees be weak. Loosen the grip and let the arms open wide. Bow the head and let the eyes close tight. We cannot do this life. We cannot parent these children. We cannot lead this company. We cannot change this world. We cannot make this art. Not alone. Not on our own. Not without sinking first. In the act of sinking into God, of looking up at him from the depths of our own inadequacy, we begin to know who he is. In turn, we know who we are as well."
Me: I want to but Im not sure that I trust God to move in and through me no matter my fear or insecurity or inadequacy?
Emily: "It will get messy....we have a disease, we are addicted to measurable productivity...we are all scared fisherman in a boat, the sea raging all around us, the darkness closing in. Don't we all grasp for our nets and long to catch our fish because this is our job, this is our passion. But the sea just won't cooperate." Trust, Believe? Embrace my image bearing identity no matter my fear and insecurity? No way, we all say give me a boat, throw me a life vest, I can't handle the waves. I am falling into second things and I can't find a way out."
Me: I don't have what it takes
Emily: "Not having what it takes is not a liability, its a prerequisite. Maybe there is a hope for us after all. I look hard at the place where I stand and realize it isn't the kind of certainty I expected. I'm looking for dry ground, but God gives me water and tells me to sink. But this is not a sinking into worry or self-help. This is a sacred sinking into knowing he is God...We are made in the image of God and are being remade inside the person of Jesus Christ. He holds all things together even when it looks like they're falling apart. His grace fills in my lack."
Me: So its all about grace...
Emily: "His grace is higher, wider, deeper, stronger and other-than me. We put grace up on our two-pan balance scale and try to come up with something that will be equal to it on the other side. But like the ocean, grace wins every time, stays heavy on the right, sinks hard into the middle of my good intentions and mixed motives. There is always grace. We can never escape it"
What is this grace? Something I thought I knew, understood...but in actuality, I know it for others but not for myself. I want this to sink into the depths of my heart this year, to cover me, to stop me, to overwhelm me. I want to know what it means to REST in HIS Grace.
What about you, are you a know it all? Do you think you know everything there is to know about His grace?
"For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace."
(all quotes from Emily P. Freeman's new book, GO BUY IT NOW)