I know that's a weird title but give me a minute and I think you just might get me. I went out to the front porch this afternoon to water my ferns because I "water on Wednesdays" just like my mama taught me. They are beautiful ferns, four giant ones, courtesy of my dear brother-in-law, Drew's, family nursery. On the outside they are lush and pretty and green...full of life and flourishing. But, when you give em a good shake, another of mom's fern-care rules, it rains dead fern leaves everywhere. And if you lift up all those pretty branches there is a lot of not pretty stuff underneath. You have to prune those sad leaves and get them out from under there so that they can keep healthy and growing.
As I was going through the motions, channeling my mom, I got to thinking. I feel like these guys. I think for the most part my life or just me, looks ok on the outside. I am super blessed to have 3 unbelievably cute and healthy kiddos, an incredible husband, a home I love, family all around....I mean the good stuff. If you just looked at the surface of my life it's great..gushy great, you know.
But then there is me. The real me. The underneath. The mom who struggles daily with pushing forward, fighting a battle with depression. The mom who gets frustrated with kiddos for arguing, disobeying, making messes. The wife who feels like she wants so badly to be an all-star mate but most of the time can't muster the energy to be that. The homemaker that wants to finish the laundry AND put it away, have all the dog hair swept up, bathrooms clean, flowers beautiful, garden picked and pruned, beds and dinner made. The girl who wants to be creative but can't find the time. And more than anything wants to love Jesus and live like him but on every front but feels like a failure at every quick tempered reaction, selfish wish or thought, angry word and impatient moment.
This is me. And my guess is its most of us. Painting a pretty picture on the surface. Trying to survive underneath. I guess every now and then we need some water, a good shake and some pruning so that we can continue to grow the good stuff. I need to be better about giving myself that.
What about you? - e