Thoughts on Thirty...

So tomorrow's the big day, its been looming since December when my hubby turned 30. He had quite the hard time with this particular year and frankly didn't want anyone to even talk about it. I kept reminding him how great it was to turn 30, its something to celebrate, think about all the things you've accomplished and blah blah blah! Well its my turn now and I've been feeling quite nostalgic...you now how you look forward to something, I love love love my birthday until it actually gets here and then you are all like "wait, hold on, not sure if I want it to actually come" So maybe I like the thought of my birthday but not the actual day. Didn't think I would feel this way at all, but its a strange feeling, one thats hard to explain...my little bro turned 21 yesterday and it was somewhat surreal watching him anticipate this monumental year while I get older-ha! He definitely loves that!

I think I've been a little more nostalgic than years past because, well you know the monthly visitor just left, whom we like to lovingly call "the p" in our house. I don't know about you, but I can be a hormonal mess when the p visits and this time did not disappoint. After you have a baby the p likes to come back with a vengeance...it quietly sneaks up on you and then bam, you are all over the place, literally for me, I get so clumsy and irritable, I can't think straight, my head hurts, well everything hurts and for those of you who have also experienced PPD, the fear can creep in as well. There are so many hormonal shifts you experience after having a baby and I think after having gone through something as life changing and just plain hard like PPD, you kinda just wait for it to all come crashing down again with each additional child. I have found myself fearful and anxious these last several days hoping and praying that we are in the clear. You see not only do I turn the big 30 this weekend, but we get to baptize our newest little man to close out our weekend of celebrations. However, I can't help but think of where I was two years ago when we baptized our firstborn. The Friday before he was baptized, my world came crashing down. We knew something was wrong, but I pushed through the weekend with the support of my wonderful family. I fought to enjoy the day the best I could while struggling with the fear of not knowing what was wrong with me. Thankfully my family took care of most of the details of that special day so I could soak in the meaning and celebration. I will forever remember that weekend, the weekend my life changed dramatically...coincidence that we baptized our son the very weekend we realized I was sick, don't think so...God had a plan in all of that, I admitted my weakness and struggle amidst committing our son to Jesus and promising to instruct him, nurture him and love him in and through our Savior. Wow, little did we know that God was preparing us for a journey unlike any other we had faced before, a stripping down of pride and fear, He was beginning to mold us and shape us to trust Him completely, a must have in parenting!

So this thirtieth year, I do have a lot to celebrate...I have an amazing husband who loves me and cares for me in incredible ways, even when the p visits, 2 beautiful sons that are the greatest gifts we've ever been given, 2 wonderful families, friends that we consider family, and a Savior who HEALS, RESCUES & RESTORES!

I think 30 is going to be a great year...B